Even my mind is not safe
I can’t escape the thoughts that bang against my skull until I can’t see straight
The thoughts that never stop and make it almost impossible to breathe
I gasped for air as I beg my mind to be silent
It knocks me around, making me light-headed
A whirling sensation sends me to my knees
Unable to move, paralyzed…
Because I am afraid that the next move… will be the wrong one
The voices in my head only get louder, making it hard to focus
All of it, destructive and isolating
I feel alone even when surrounded by friends
Always thinking I will say or do the wrong thing
Terrified at the thought that their smiles could be fake and their kindness only temporary
My only comfort are the consoling whispers in the back of my mind
However, it gets hard to listen when they are being drowned out by the deafening screams in my head
The ones that tell me:
I am not smart enough
I am not strong enough
I am not good enough
The ones that belittle me and make me feel small as they tell me about the reason for it all is that something is wrong with me…
And too often
I believe them