The Squirrel

How to Have a Successful Thanksgiving Vacation

By Maya Mogensen-

Thanksgiving, a time for thankfulness and family. But how does one have a successful Thanksgiving vacation without knowing the necessary steps? I am Reginald von Hausling III and I am here to provide you with the steps I have observed many people utilize to have an amazing Thanksgiving.

1. Days off. Get the necessary days off in order to attend Thanksgiving Day. Seven days are the preferred amount but four days are acceptable.

2. Find a place to have Thanksgiving break. Anywhere works, preferably with family and somewhere that recognizes Thanksgiving as a holiday.

3. Bring back any laundry that you may have. If you have not learned how to do laundry, this is your chance to shove the mountain of laundry you have into your car in order to have one of your relatives do it for you.

4. DO NOT worry about school. In fact, do not study for any classes or even look at your email to check for reminders professors send you of the different projects and homework that are due when you get back to school. Finals are far away so you definitely have time to procrastinate on studying and final projects.

5. Netflix and Chill by yourself. Lay on the couch or in bed and do not move for several days. This is your chance to catch up on important T.V. shows. You deserve some YOU time.*

6. The Day of. On Thanksgiving Day, make sure that you shower and put on a freshly laundered outfit (ladies refer to What to Wear on Thanksgiving).

7. Complain as much as possible. Make sure everyone knows what other things you would rather be doing and how you do not want to answer questions about whether you’re single, about your major, or how you’re doing in school, or what you plan to do with your life.

8. Family and Friends.. and others. Gather around those that mean the most to you. Some may not matter as much, but just sit as far away from them as possible.

9. Gratitude. When asked what you are most thankful for, say something that makes you seem grateful for all of the positive things in your life. Do not say things like “Well if I had a Tesla, I would definitely be grateful for that.”

10. Prayer. If you have a religious family and you are chosen to lead them in prayer, do not quote Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. “Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces… new born infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet…”

11. EAT!!!!! Eat as much as you can. You won’t eat this well until Christmas break. But be prepared that you might go into a food coma.

12. Rest. Make sure that you get enough rest. You have to wake up early enough for those Black Friday Deals. In case you do not know, Black Friday is directly after Thanksgiving Day. So we are basically giving thanks for the things that we already have and then not even 12 hours later we are buying more things.

13. Repeat step 5.

14. Your break is basically over. At the end of the week, let the fact that you have no time left to work on any projects or homework sink in.

15. Pack it and Stack it. Pack anything that you might need for the time you have left in school and then head back to campus for the remainder of the semester.

Although I will be very lonely on this empty campus, I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving.


*If someone mentions how you need to get out and do something, use annoying tactics so they leave you alone. Some examples include, but are not limited to, following them around the house for the entire day; going into their room at four in the morning and saying “Good Morning Sunshine(s)!”; trying to swim on the floor and pretending that Jaws is chasing you.